Confronting Your Sexual Abuser
I have talked to many childhood sexual abuse survivors, who say they wish they could confront their abuser. I did confront my first abuser, while in a mental health hospital.
It was not everything I hoped it would be. My doctors at the hospital thought it would be a good idea if I told my abuser how I felt as a child being abused and how it affected me as an adult.
My husband is the one who first told my abuser I remembered everything and that my doctors wanted him to come, so I could speak to him.
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Now my whole family knew about the abuse. Then my doctor told me they had arranged a meeting time to confront him in person.
The doctor said it would help me, so I agreed to it. that night I wrote out everything I wanted to say to him.
The next morning we had group therapy activities on the ward. I always sat close to the door, it made me feel secure.
But I could see out the window and I saw my abuser, his wife and my husband walking to my doctors office. Just seeing him made me have an anxiety attack.
Everyone (all women) knew what was happening that day. After group ended I went back to my room and read and reread the things I wanted to say to him. The morning seemed to last forever.
My doctor came up to get me. We went to a private room on the ward and talked about what was going to happen next. He told me that the first thing he did was call the Child Services in front of my abuser and reported the abuse that had happened 25 years earlier.
It is the law in Georgia that child abuse, regardless of when it happened, has to be reported. The doctor said it scared my abuser to death. I loved hearing that! Even though I knew he would never be prosecuted I was thrilled he was scared.
The doctor set the ground rules with my abuser, before I came into the room. Now it was time for me to go in the room to confront my abuser.
My doctor stayed with me while I spoke to my abuser. I was calm and collected. I didn't get emotional-I calmly read everything I wanted to say to him. He sat there listening and when I finished he told me he was sorry.
But you know it was not enough. I felt no satisfaction. Confronting him didn't change anything. I was still abused 25 years prior to seeing him. "Sorry" was just not enough!
When I was released from the mental hospital my family was all together for the yearly vacation. Of course we didn't go, but I did type out a six page letter to all my aunts and uncles and let them know what their brother had done.
Now I was satisfied they only knew half the truth-now they know the whole truth. But the sad thing is they supported him! After I saw how the family stood, it was 15 years before we ever when back to a family function where my abuser attended.
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I found no true satisfaction from doing it. It brought no closure to my ordeal.
It was 17 years before I came to terms with being sexually abused.
In February of 2005, I came to realize I was doing okay and that no one could ever hurt me again. I finally found forgiveness for my abusers.
Since it was only my Uncle that I blamed for all the sexual abuse I suffered, I sent him a little note telling him I forgave him and loved him. The only person it was hurting keeping all that shame and blame was me-no one else.
When I found forgiveness in my heart was the day I found peace in my life. I am not saying I never think about it, but I have found freedom from the abuse and so can you!