Repressed Memories of Sexual Abuse
Repressed memories of sexual abuse or flashbacks can be very frightening when it happens.
Especially if you had no memories of the abuse happening at all.
I had no memories of being sexually abused, until I was 27 years old. I always felt like I had a very happy childhood.
I was driving at night to a meeting for my son and all of a sudden a flash of me and my Uncle laying in a loft in a barn popped up before my eyes.
It was like a movie playing out on my windsheild of my car. I told myself it couldn't be possible. I was wrong!
But it kept playing over and over in my head. It was like seeing this happening to someone else, but I knew it was really happening to me.
Keeping Memories Through Journals
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I was seeing a mental health therapist for co-dependance issues and at our next session I told him about my memory of me and my Uncle.
I told him in detail what I had remembered and he told me it was sexual abuse.
My counselor told me to keep a journal of my memories and when I came in to see him once a week we would discuss them in our sessions.
Once I opened that door, memories just started to come back. I would have detailed flashbacks and most of them I wrote about. I was overwhelmed with emotions.
I was not an emotional person and had no idea what to do with everything I was feeling.
Choosing a Therapist
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It makes a difference of therapy you have. There are so many emotions and highs and lows.
You are stunned at first by what you remember, than you are hit with disbelief.
How could this happen to you? How could you have not remembered this? How could you let it happen to you?
I asked myself all these questions and told myself the usual lies a survivor believes.
Your were innocent little girls and boys all the time. The most important thing to remember while you are going through this is: IT IS or WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!
You NEVER asked for it and you didn't like it. You are a good person and you were a good child. Believe in yourself! You are worth it!